adding 'sweetness' to the mix ... my journey home

in my short 27 months of life, I have come to realize you cannot just sit around waiting for the "big people" to get stuff done. if I want myself to be "known", I need to do it myself!

so here I am world, full of sweetness and sass. as the latest Q-family addition, I bring some 'pink' to the table. don't let the short locks fool you. that is just part of maintaining easier hygiene in the Chinese orphanages, though I was in foster care the whole time.

sunday january 25, 2015. this day is forever etched in my mind, as it was the day my world turned upside down. it was the day i was taken away from my loving, 75 year old, foster mother who lived in the rurals, to drive 3 hours to the main city, in a car with a man I've never met before (the orphanage director) and a social worker whom I've met a handful of times (from the orphanage). sure i was shown pictures of my "family" and how it was going to be all grand, but honestly, do they actually think that registers with a 2 year old?! i took a nice nap on my long journey to the hotel, probably after much crying. i was bundled to the max, along with a thick new winter coat and new shoes. i was used to being bundled, but this had definitely reached new levels.

i arrived at the hotel at 4p, and was shortly greeted by two asian-looking boys holding funny looking things for me, which i had no desire to take. i turned away. the social worker tried her best to engage me, but she was barely better than the other strangers that were trying to get my attention. i showed no facial expression, was profusely sweating, and wished i could be with my foster mother again. as my 'family' was getting no where with me, we all went up to the hotel room, thinking debriefing and meeting would be easier.

 

when the body goes through shock & grief, there hits a point when you just tune everyone and everything out. new sounds, faces, voices, smells, clothes .... talk about sensory overload! how could my foster mother allow this to happen to me? i felt abandoned and powerless. i was passed from hand-to-hand, when the only hand i wanted was my foster mother's. was this **REALLY** happening to me?

around 5p, the entourage of people left (orphanage director, social worker, and local tour guide). it was now just me, and a strange looking man and woman, with probably the worst Chinese i have ever heard, along with two rowdy boys jumping off the walls. by 530p i was done being in shock and ready to deal with my unfortunate situation. not being the type to just "sit and feel sorry for myself", i developed a plan of action. it was as follows:

1. make no eye contact
2. do not allow anyone, under no circumstance, take off any piece of clothing from me, as my entire world already had been stripped
3. spot every single belonging i came with, and gather it in one place
4. leave the building to return to my foster family

with vigor and determination, i executed my plan. as sweat dripped from my brow, tears streaming from my eyes, i pulled myself together, grunted and pointed to every single thing i came to this forsaken city with -- two cans of formula, one baby bottle, one stuffed panda bear my 'family' sent me, one photo album of my 'family', and one yogurt drink. thankfully the woman (mommy) understood my unspoken plan, and started helping me gather my things. this began a bond of trust, though that wasn't part of my plan. tears streamed down her eyes (though i don't know why since she wasn't the one grieving, but the one taking me away!), as she allowed me to take the lead. once everything was gathered, i spotted my shoes. without time for anyone else to put their shoes on, i led them out into the hallway, looking for any door that would lead to my escape. eventually i allowed them to put their shoes on, and down the elevator we went ... alas, my plan in motion. my trembling hands and weary body could finally find some comfort knowing that i wasn't "completely" alone. somehow, it was going to workout ok, rowdy boys and all.

   

after much wandering in the lobby, i finally felt i could breath again. though they actually weren't letting me escape, it somehow felt better to "be in-control" of something; it was my life after all! they managed to finally get dinner happening, which was fortunate, because i was famished! it felt good to eat. i let mommy feed me, and i guess in doing so, more trust was built.

upon returning to our hotel room, i allowed them to peel the multitude of layers of clothes off of me, bathe me, and put me to sleep. i was beyond exhausted, which made my first night without my foster mother, much easier. i found comfort in holding just one of my belongings, while the rest of it remained within arms reach. the worst day of my life was finally over. i had to hit rock bottom before it could get better.

and better it did get. with each passing day, there were constant opportunities for my family to win my trust.



as for the rest of my journey to my forever home ...

we spent 5 days together in my home-town province. that alone was a big culture shock for me, as it is a major city compared to the rural town i grew up in. we completed my adoption our very first day together, along with applying for my passport. while there, the weather was cold and wet, which made excursions much more challenging. highlights of Nanchang include finalizing my adoption, touring the cultural heritage museum, wandering people's park, shopping at walmart and eating at pizza hut (which is vastly different from the one in the US).



i then got to take my very first airplane ride to another city/province to complete medicals and obtain my visa for my passport. while Nanchang was quite a large city, Guangzhou was even larger and 2-3 times more populated! it was extremely modern, and climate much warmer. we spent another 5 days together in Guangzhou. highlights include visiting chimelong safari park & zoo, shopping & eating street food, learning my first English word ("hi"), visiting crocodile park, and departing the mainland for the first time to go to HK.



up until day 9 together, everything was going 'smooth' (as in typical adoption bonding/grieving things). we were scheduled for our visa interview, along with several other adoptive families. mommy & daddy were called by the USCIS officer to approach the window for their visa interview for me. this was the last step before departing the next day. he asked them "what is the health status of your daughter? can you describe it for me." they looked at each other and said, "healthy. normal." the officer looked at us and then at his papers and said, "that's not what it says here." the rest of it is a bit of a blur to me. all i remember is being shuffled back to the panel of medical doctors for quite some time, being checked by stethoscope after stethoscope. eventually i landed at another doctor's clinic - apparently an expat medical clinic. what was going on? was my visa going to get processed?

it turns out one doctor who examined me a few days prior, wrote down that she felt i had a grade 1 heart murmur, and should be further examined in the US for congenital heart disease. my parents were not made aware of this condition, and needed to find out more. several doctors continued to agree. i was starving through all of this, while my brothers managed to get their hands on the iPad to watch episodes of something. daddy made an emergency call to the int'l adoption doctor in the US to try to have all doctors discussing this matter. alas, we were referred to the expat medical clinic. there, the head pediatric doctor won me over with a sucker, and made time during her lunch to examine me. she felt i had a grade 3/4 level heart murmur, with definitive congenital heart disease. they discussed this with her, as i was curious about getting on/off a kid height chair. they finally felt comfortable with the "diagnosis", to return to the US Consulate to continue the visa process. i think my parents were stressed. they talked and prayed while i continued eating snacks.

finally, travel day arrived. i experienced my first int'l flight, and in "no time at all" landed, and became a US citizen.



finally, some observations about my two bros ...

big bro T jumps at any opportunity to love on me. he is so nurturing and protective of me .. even to the point where he yells at mommy & daddy for "making me cry". he's always wanting to give me kisses, and ensure i give him kisses. I've got that kid wrapped around my finger.

big bro A is less nurturing, but still protective. he's always watching out that i not "go here or there" where i shouldn't be, which doesn't always bode well with me, but makes my parents appreciative. i know he is new at this "big bro thing". i probably should cut him some slack, but it's more fun to do little things to him that annoy him when mommy & daddy aren't looking. i think it's going to be fun to be his 'lil sis :)

** medical update: i was able to see the head pediatric cardiologist at children's hospital in Oakland. after an EKG an echocardiogram, it was determined that there is nothing wrong with my heart! he said i have a "grade 2 innocent murmur".  

thank you for taking the time to read and be part of my journey home. here are more pictures, in case you haven't had enough ... 

2015-01/02 Mei's Journey Home